omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He passed out mid-signature
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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