Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i think im in europe. pls send help
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
