i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
