the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
