I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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