I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
