and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
