and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
