I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
