god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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