Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
