but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
