after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
