Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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