I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize