Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
