perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
