I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
