the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
