If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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