either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
