The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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