someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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