I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
