Can i not drive my cunt home
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize