whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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