my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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