Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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