Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
