She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
