it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
