He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
