I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im holly from the hills drunk
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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