In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my being single is dangerous.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
