absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
