Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Your dad touched me again.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
