I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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