and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
