In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
