I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
