My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
