Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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