One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
