used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
