The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
