I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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