Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
