I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
