just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
