"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
