theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
