Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
