I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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