it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
smell my finger.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
