I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
