i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
