I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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