oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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