Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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