How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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