we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
