Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
