My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
