Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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