how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
