Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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