i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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