Umm I'm too high to move.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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