U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
