I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
