Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
