I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize