i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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